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Posted by c on September 3, 2008, 4:08 pm
> So I woke up this morning with my sinuses draining, my throat aching,
> and my head throbbing. Oh joy: a head cold coming on.
>
> After slogging my way through a tasteless breakfast I figured it would
> be a good day to clean, oil, and adjust the VFR's chain tension, so I
> adjourned to the garage, put the bike up on it's center-stand, and
> picked up the toolbox off the workbench intending to place it on the
> floor next to the bike.
>
> That's when I spotted a nice healthy Black Widow spider sitting atop
> the toolbox about two inches from my suddenly sweaty palm. So I
> dropped the box the last foot to the concrete and stepped briskly on
> the spider. (Squidge-squidge-squidge.)
>
> Then I got to go locate and retrieve the various sockets that had
> somehow leaped out of the toolbox when it sprang open as it hit the
> concrete. Several had rolled under a spiderweb-encrusted pile of
> lumber in the corner, which meant that rather then reach into the
> shadowy recesses I had to carefully move the lumber a couple of pieces
> at a time -never putting my hands anywhere that I hadn't first
> carefully looked- until the missing sockets eventually turned up.
>
> The rest of the job came off without any more nasty surprises, and I'd
> just about decided that the day's excitement was over when it came
> time to walk the hounds after dinner.
>
> So my wife and I and the dogs are meandering along through the
> sagebrush near our home when I spotted a particularly decorative piece
> of hose that someone had unaccountably left lying athwart the trail
> just ahead of us. Then I noted that it seemed to be moving.
>
> Then I realised that it was a Red Diamondback Rattlesnake long enough
> that his head was invisible in the brush to our right and his (?)
> rattles had yet to appear on the left.
>
> We stopped. Rather abruptly. And gave thanks that we don't let the
> dogs off-leash during snake season.
>
> Since the dogs were evincing no little interest in the subject of
> herpatology as applied to the canine diet, I decided to carpe the diem
> and teach them to stay away from snakes. So I grabbed a handy -and
> stout- 4' long branch and advanced on the snake expecting him to coil
> up and buzz at me.
>
> Nope. Just sat there frozen and tracked me with his beady little eyes.
> Probably never seen a human being before and has *no* idea what to do.
>
> In fact, I couldn't get him to rattle at *all* until I picked him up
> with the far end of the impromptu snake-stick and pitched him about
> five feet down the hillside into a pile of brush.
>
> THAT got his attention, and as he broke into continuous song and the
> dogs strained forward in interest I suddenly whacked the ground right
> in front of them with the stick and yelled *NO!* =A0*BAD DOG!* at the
> top of my lungs.
>
> They seemed to get the message, and hopefully the snake learned to
> rattle when something bigger than it is approaches it closely. The
> only *really* dangerous rattlesnake is the one you don't see before
> you step on him.
>
> So anyway, now it's 11:51 PM computer time and I'm still sniffling.
> I'd like to go to bed. But you see, our yard is *lousy* with cone-
> nosed kissing bugs and I'm becoming more and more certain every moment
> that there's one waiting in our bedroom that has my name on it.
>
> I think I'll let my wife go to bed first.
great story =3D)
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