OT: Joke: Capitalism explained

Posted by Tiago on August 19, 2009, 3:00 pm

please rate
this thread

Ideal Capitalism

You've got two cows. Sell one and buy a bull. They breed and the herd
and local economy grows. You sell the herd and retire... rich!

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American Capitalism

You've got two cows. Sell one and force other to achieve same milk
production of four cows and act surprised when cow dies.

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French Capitalism

You've got two cows and go on strike because you want three.

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Canadian Capitalism

You've got two cows and use American capitalism model. Cow dies. You
accuse foreign protectionism and adopt protectionist measures to have
the three cows of French captitalism.

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Japanese Capitalism

You've got two cows. You redesign them so they have a tenth of the
original size while producing 20 times more milk. Then you create a
cow cartoon named cowemon and sell it to the entire world.

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British Capitalism

You've got two cows. Both are mad.

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Dutch Capitalism

You've got two cows. They live together, don't like bulls and
everything's ok.

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German Capitalism

You've got two cows. They produce milk regularly on the scheduled
time, following strict quality controls in a previously studied and
profitable way. But what you really want is raise hogs...

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Russian Capitalism

You've got two cows. Count them again and see five. Count again and
see 42. Count again and see 12. You stop counting and open another
vodka bottle

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Swiss Capitalism

You've got 500 cows, but none is yours, you charge to keep other's.

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Spanish Capitalism

You're very proud of owning two cows.

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Portuguese Capitalism

You've got two cows... and wonder why your herd doesn't grow...

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Chinese Capitalism

You've got two cows and 300 people milking them. You boast you've got
full employment and high productivity. And arrest the activist who
published the numbers.

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Hindu Capitalism

You've got two cows. Anyone who touches them is dead.

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Argentinian Capitalism

You've got two cows. You struggle to teach them to moo in english. The
cows die. You give the meat to the year end IMF barbecue.

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Brazilian Capitalism

You've got two cows. One of them is stolen from you. Government then
creates Compulsory Contribution For Cow Ownership (CCFCO). A cop comes
and fine you because although you've paid CCFCO, the value should have
been calculated by presumed number of cows, not actual number of cows.
Federal Revenue Service, using presumed data from your cheese, milk
and leather comsumption figures you've got 200 cows and you, to get
out of the mess bribe the cop with the one cow you still have so you
can stay out of jail...

-- T
sorry for the bad english translation! I'm not in the mood to run
this through grammar and spell check

Posted by HardWorkingDog on August 19, 2009, 3:37 pm

In article

NO!--it's perfect :)

--
Charles
'99 YZ250

Posted by JustWait on August 19, 2009, 10:50 pm

In article <c82778b7-29ef-416f-8c55-cbb159b1eb29
@o36g2000vbl.googlegroups.com>, diariodastrilhas@gmail.com says...

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Worked out fine to me...

--
Wafa free since 2009

Posted by The Real Bev on August 20, 2009, 1:28 am

Tiago wrote:
> Brazilian Capitalism

Not a problem. I'm continually impressed at how well you speak English. How
long have you been doing it?

--
Cheers, Bev
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's
safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. --Unknown

Posted by Tiago on August 20, 2009, 9:12 am

had to learn when I first started doing computer programming in
Clipper... That was about 96... But I didn't *really* had to learn
until I got myself into Oracle databases. Clipper is an ancient
technology, we had plenty of books in good old portuguese. Oracle was
different back in late 97/early 98, nobody used it here. All
documentation, books, courses, seminars, you name it - was in
english.

Spending three weeks not being able to speak portuguese sure helped a
lot. Sometimes my brain short circuited and I talked to people in
portuguese, only to see that "divide by zero" looks on people faces
and I had to reset the circuit breaker and go back into english-mode.
<g> That was very, very embarassing... and sort of amusing at the same
time :-)

Now I have a job that from time to time I have to speak english and
write a lot...

-- t